


The Grass is Greener Outside

by mysupernaturalobsessions



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, Claustrophobia, Destiel - Freeform, Farmer's Market, Human Castiel, M/M, Men of Letters Bunker, eating issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-10
Updated: 2015-08-10
Packaged: 2018-04-14 01:22:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4544745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysupernaturalobsessions/pseuds/mysupernaturalobsessions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is newly human and living at the bunker, but things aren't going as well as Dean would have hoped.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Grass is Greener Outside

Castiel was sitting under a tree in the forest behind the bunker. He liked to spend his time outside whenever he could. He would take books from the library and read them from beginning to end without moving from his spot. Only when the sky grew too dark to see the words and his stomach started rumbling did he stand up, brush off the dirt, and go back inside. 

He found Dean and Sam in the kitchen. Sam looked up from his computer screen and nodded. Dean spoke to him from his place in front of the stove. He turned and smiled wide. 

“Have a seat, Cas,” he said. “Dinner’s almost done.“ 

"It smells appealing." 

"Thanks, man." 

But when the plate was set in front of him, he barely touched it. The brothers tried to hide the way they watched him. He pushed the food, rearranged it. Sometimes he brought a forkful halfway to his mouth and set it back down. Dean scowled down at his own plate. He ate faster, purposefully, like he could teach Cas by example how to eat like a normal human. 

Sam took pity on him, tried to make conversation. They talked about books and shows Cas should watch and places he could go. He liked being outside. He liked grass and rivers and empty roads like the one that ran in front of the bunker. 

"Have you been exploring anywhere besides the woods?” Sam asked. 

Cas shook his head. He pushed his plate back. 

“It’s confusing,” he admitted. “I can only see what’s directly in front of me now. If I went too far from the bunker I might get lost." 

"Maybe Dean could go with you tomorrow. I have a lot of research to do, but we haven’t had a lot of time to check things out around here. I heard there’s a farmers market on Sunday’s in the next town over.” 

Dean nearly choked on his food and glared at his brother. Cas didn’t notice. 

"They sell farmers?" 

Sam laughed. "No, they sell fresh fruits and vegetables. Sometimes they have clothes and stuff." 

"That sounds…like a store." 

"Yeah, but it’s outside." 

"Oh.” Castiel’s eyes unfocused as he seemed to think it over. 

The brothers finished off their meals. Dean reached over and took Cas’s nearly full plate. He dumped it all into the garbage disposal. When he had rinsed off the dishes and turned back around, he expected to find the kitchen empty. But Cas was standing there, hovering behind his chair. Dean raised an eyebrow at him and waited. 

“So can we go to the market tomorrow, Dean?" 

Dean rubbed at the back of his neck. "I don’t know, man. A farmers market? They’re kind of lame." 

"Oh, I see.” Cas’s face fell and Dean felt his heart clench at the sight. When was the last time the guy had smiled? It certainly hadn’t been Dean’s doing. 

“But I guess we could check it out." 

"Really?" 

Dean shrugged. "If it gets boring we can go find a bar or something." 

"Thank you, Dean." 

The ex-angel gave him a hint of a smile, lips pulling up slightly on each side. Dean sighed when he left the room. It was close, but it wasn’t enough. 

Cas was waiting by the stairs for Dean in the morning. He was wearing a plaid shirt and dirty jeans that hung loosely off his hips. He also had a threadbare backpack slung over one shoulder. 

"Sam found it for me,” he explained. 

Dean huffed. “Well we will definitely fit in now. Let’s go." 

They found a parking spot a block away from the town center. The area was bustling with people weaving in and out of the tents set up in rows. Dean was surprised to find how much they did, in fact, fit in. They flitted from stand to stand. Cas led the way, stopping at every opportunity to buy something or ask something. 

"What’s that purple thing, Dean?" 

"Hell if I know. That’s Sammy’s department." 

"Can we bring one home to him?" 

“Uh, sure.” So Dean paid the man behind the stand and Cas shoved a decent-looking purple thing into his backpack, along with the apples and peppers and various berries they had bought. The bag was nearly full now, to Dean’s surprise. “This stuff is cheap, huh? Haven’t spent twenty bucks yet." 

Castiel nodded. "I quite enjoy it. I get to be outside. And with you. Those are usually mutually exclusive events." 

"I go outside,” Dean insisted. 

“To get from one place to another, yes, but never to just be outside." 

They walked up to another stand. This one was selling little trinkets - necklaces and old rings and pins that looked so rusted they probably didn’t open anymore. Castiel picked up a leather bracelet and traced the braided lines. 

"What’s so bad about the indoors anyway?” Dean said. 

Cas shrugged and put the bracelet back. The woman behind the stand went to help a girl with her mother at the other end of the table. 

“I guess I’m not used to it. The more time I spend as a human the more confining it feels. I don’t know how you stand it." 

"Like claustrophobic confining?” Dean asked. He didn’t know what it entailed really or how to help the ex-angel if that was the case. He was mostly concerned he might have missed something, something that was making Cas unhappy. 

To be honest, he always thought Cas’s behavior had something to do with him - the way Cas would stay away for long periods of time, the way he always seemed to gravitate to Sam. 

Cas shook his head. “I miss the wide open sky. I miss moving in an instant. I miss going places." 

The saleswoman caught the tail end of the conversation and smiled at Cas. 

"A free spirit,” she said. “You don’t belong in places small as this, honey." 

Dean, silently, had to agree. 

They left soon after. The car ride back was a quiet one. Cas rifled through the bag, taking inventory. When they got back to the bunker he handed everything to Dean. 

"Want to help me cook?" 

"I’m going to sit outside for a while, if that’s all right." 

"Oh, yeah, course." 

He looked up recipes online first. He found out the purple thing was an eggplant (what a stupid name). The directions he found online were a little complicated, but he had time. He distracted himself with cooking and tried not to think of the man sitting outside. 

He pulled the final product out of the oven, placing the pieces on three plates and presenting them to his little family with nervous laugh. 

Cas gave another slight smile later when he tried the eggplant. Dean tried not to look too pleased. 

"Wow, this is really good, Dean,” Sam said. 

“You sound surprised." 

"Yeah, well, you made something that won’t give me a heart attack on the spot so I guess I am." 

"Put a little extra salt in there for you, though.” Dean smiled around his fork. “Don’t want you to go into health shock." 

Sam shook his head. "Jerk." 

"Bitch." 

Dean looked to his left. Cas had resumed pushing the food around his plate. Sam shot Dean a look, a look that screamed "say something” but Dean just shook his head. He dropped his gaze. He put his own fork down. 

Sam cleared his throat. “Everything okay, Cas?" 

"What? Oh, yes. I’m just distracted I suppose." 

"Uh huh." 

Cas picked up a bite of eggplant. Both brothers were openly watching him now but he didn’t notice. He brought it closer to his mouth, staring intently at the vegetable like it had all the answers in the world, and then put it down. Dean nearly growled and pushed back from the table with vigor. 

"What’s your problem, man? This place not good enough for you? The food, which you made me buy I might add, isn’t up to your angelic standards? Well you know what? Go outside and eat leaves for all I care. You wanna leave? Get going then!" 

And then he left. 

Sam was staring at his plate and Cas was staring at him. 

"I didn’t know he felt that way." 

Sam glanced up. "He didn’t, Cas. He doesn’t. You know Dean. When he’s mad he doesn’t say what he means." 

"I suppose I should go speak with him.” He stood up stiffly and walked to the door. He waited there, hesitant. “Sam if I have overstayed my welcome I would understand and I apologize." 

Before Sam could tell him he was wrong, Cas left. He searched everywhere for Dean, in all the bedrooms and main rooms and hidden corridors. When he rounded back by the staircase, he saw his backpack and coat had been knocked off the nail where they hung. Why would Dean go up there? 

Cas left the bunker the way he usually did. He walked up the incline a few paces before the trees grew thick and the darkness grew heavier. 

"Dean?” he called out tentatively. He didn’t want to get too far and the hunter probably wasn’t out here anyway. Just as he was about to turn back he heard him. 

"I was trying to figure out what you like out here,“ Dean said. Cas’s eyes had adjusted and he could see Dean now, sitting against a tree just as Castiel always did. The sight made him smile. He sat beside him. 

"A lot of things. I like the air and the breeze. I like all the sounds. I like looking at the sky, because it reminds me of angels. I like looking at the grass because it reminds me of you." 

"Me?" 

Castiel nodded. "Can I tell you something?" 

"Of course." 

"You might not want to hear it." 

Dean gulped. This was it. He had been waiting, but it still hurt. Cas was leaving. 

"I never missed you when I was an angel." 

And it wasn’t what he’d expected but if that wasn’t a knife to the chest Dean didn’t know what was. 

"I mean, I’d be gone, and back then it felt like nothing, minutes maybe. And I could put you, thoughts of you, in a little box at the back of my mind." 

"Gee, thanks, Cas.” Dean spoke thickly. 

Cas kept speaking into the darkness. Because it was familiar, because it was the only way he could get it out. “But whenever I came back I felt…relief? A sense of homecoming? I don’t know. But now it’s different. Now I do miss you. When I’m gone for a few hours even, I miss you. And when I go back inside and you welcome me, well, I like to imagine that you could miss me, too. That’s my favorite part of being outside, Dean. Coming home." 

Dean exhaled and put a shaky hand over Castiel’s on the ground. 

"That was…not what I was expecting." 

Cas looked down at their hands and then up at Dean, surprised when he didn’t pull back. Cas smiled hesitantly, but it wasn’t enough so Dean told himself to man up and kissed him. It was short, soft. Dean pulled back just a little and looked at Cas through the dark. He stayed close so they were breathing each other’s air. Castiel smiled more brightly. 

"Come home?” Dean asked him lightly. 

Cas kissed him back and laughed when he broke away, happy and breathless. His blue eyes were sparkling and it took Dean’s breath away.


End file.
